A Talent For Vengeance - Full Transcript

SCENE 0

Lilac: Previously on the Cosmic Rage Talent Show...
Drone 9300: Got to clear this stage of fireworks. Tracebacks all over the place, suggestions, ...
(Sound of the Cosmic Rage Talent Show Car landing from talent show 2)
Drone 9300: What kind of drone do they think I am? Parking this thing. Alright alright. Tape it up. Tape it up.
(Drone bustles around the talent show car, covering it in tape.)
Drone 9300: (After Talent show 2,) Every time the hosts have these darn shows. Now I have to clean up the whole admin area!
(Flash to Draq's relaxation area from Talent show 3)
Drone 9300: hey! Have you started working on your talent show stuff yet?
Draq: Ahh leave me alone. I'm on vacation.
Drone 9300: No! Do it now!
(Draq has one hand in a bucket of popcorn and the other grasping for an empty can.)
Draq: (Crumpling the can and throwing it at the drone) No. Go announce it yourself.
(Flash to the trashed admin area during Talent Show 2 results show)
Eli: What are we paying you for, drone? This place is a complete disaster zone!
Drone 9300: you don't pay me at all!
HTPL Kiana Lawson's disembodied voice: Hey! Me neither!
Nate: Oh everyone's ...
(Cut to Talent show 3, and Drone 9300 is lecturing the hosts on an appropriately civil talent show.)
Drone 9300: Certainly no traps.
(Drone triggers a trap and is blasted into the air, slamming against a wall far above. At the same time, an exploding tea kettle from talent show 2's results show blasts the same drone along with several others to pieces.)
Nate: (In trashed admin area) I say!
Eli: (Beside him) That's wiped out a good seven drones.
Dante: (Flashing back to Talent show 3) Wait... No traps? You mean I wasn't supposed to set that thing up?
(Now flashing forward to Results show of Talent Show 3, and Eli and Nate are enjoying cigars in Eli's parlor while the drone waits on them hand and foot.)
Nate: (Leering) More importantly, where are our beautiful... (licks his lips lecherously) Lovely... 
Drone 9300: (turning towards the parlor door) Ugh. You're disgusting. 
Nate and Eli: Ha ha ha. High five high five high five.
(Talent show 4 in Dante's lab, and Dante and Eli are testing the decomatic.)
Eli: Right Dante. Let him have it.
Drone 9300: Wait. have what?
Dante: And ... (Directing the decomatic at Drone 9300) Fire!
(The decomatic fires, covering Drone 9300 in Christmas ornaments against his will.)
(In the hostly loading dock, a reprogrammed loading drone has grabbed Drone 9300 who has a luggage tag reading, "Property of Draqoken")
Drone 9300: (Struggling in the loading drone's grip) Wait! I'm not Draq's suitcase! (As he is flung into the storage bay of a Cosmic Reality Airlines plane and buried under a bunch of other suitcases) Let me goooooo!
(Now in the storage bay, mid flight, Eli is climbing over suitcases, leaving Drone 9300 stuck in the cargo bay.)
Eli: Sorry, Drone 9300 old pal. We can't all hang around here free-loading. I got to get back to the engines.
Drone 9300: Wait! No! Take me with you! Waaaaaait!
(Cut to an empty storage bay, and Drone 9300 is alone and still strapped down so as to not move during the flight.)
Drone 9300: Hello? Hello? Is anyone out there? I'm stuck in storage! Hello?
(An unknowable time later, and Drone 9300 has gathered dust.)
Drone 9300: That's it! I've had it! I'm done being the butt of everyone's jokes! (His drone body twists and warps with his anger.) cleaning up fireworks, parrot droppings, suggestions ...
(With each part of his rant, his body grows and twists even further.)
Drone 9300: I'm ... done! Do you hear me? Next time, I'm running it.
(Weapons grow out of the drone's twisted casing, and he grows to fill the entire storage bay.)
Drone 9300: I'm gonna help myself. So you better watch out, hosts.
(An alarm sounds from the drone's inner workings, and all the weapons power up.)
Drone 9300: I'm coming for you.
(The drone turns to point at us, and the entire screen explodes.

Lilac: And now ... the Conclusion!

INTRO MUSIC

The hosts of Cosmic Rage present
A Cosmic Rage Talent Show
A Talent for Vengeance

SCENE 1

(The scene begins in the admin area shortly after the events of last talent show. Nate and Eli are showing Augustus around the admin area.)
Gust: Thanks for showing me around, guys. I really appreciate it.
Nate: Nonsense, Augustus. Consider it part of the new host welcome package.
Eli: Of course. I always love this, seeing the new guy come to terms with all the wacky stuff on offer.
Gust: Wacky stuff?
Eli: Oh it's the admin area. Center of all hostly endeavor. Wacky stuff is bound to happen.
Nate: Yes. Take that stained glass window for instance. I think it's been repaired like, five times in the last year?
Eli: Yes, that image on the glass, old chap. I notice it keeps looking more and more like you with your arms spread. Going for some angelic imagery? Didn't think it was your style.
Nate: (Clears his throat) Purely unintentional, I'm sure. It's from when I got kicked through it last. I think it was at Christmas?
Eli: Ahh yes! laurel kicked you through it! Didn't she?
(Eli bursts out laughing and is elbowed into silence.)
Nate: Aaaanyway, over here is the all important report box. You'll be responsible for the builder reports.
(There is a smashing sound from the distance, as of an explosion.)
Gust: (Interrupting Nate) What was that?
Nate: I beg your pardon? What was what?
Gust: (Having paced towards the sound and cocked his head to the side) I don't know. I thought I heard... a smashing sound of some sort.
Eli: Didn't I say? Wacky stuff. It's probably not important.
Nate: Yes.
Eli: Don't you worry your head about it.
Gust: Hmm okay. Go on then. Report box?
Nate: And here is the suggestion box. It contains ... well ... our suggestions in it, of course.
(As Nate thumps the box in demonstration, some baby suggestions rattle around inside the box next to the one he's thumping.) 
Eli: (Interrupting Nate) Nathaniel, old chap. I don't think that is the suggestions box, actually.
Nate: What? Of course it is the suggestion box!
(He thumps the wrong box again for good measure.)
Gust: No, it really isn't. It's ... 
(He sprints over to where Nate is fiddling with the box and drags it towards himself in excitement.) 
Gust: Oh wow! Is this the talent show act dispenser?
Nate: I say, so it is, Augustus! Well spotted! I knew there was a reason we brought you on the team! Sharp as a tack, and twice as pointy.
Gust: (Sounding excited) Are we doing a talent show right now? 
(Clearing his throat, Augustus summons a wild and unfocused but icy blast of power, perhaps his first ever exercise of power as a host.)
Gust: And for our next act we have ...
Eli: (Raising a hand and freezing Augustus's powers in their tracks) Hang on hang on. We can't just do a talent show like snapping your fingers.
Nate: Yes. It takes time!
(The door opens, and Drone 9300 covered in dust and debris from an exploded cargo bay glides smoothly in.)
Eli: And effort! (Eli spots the drone.) Oh Hi Drone 9300! Just the drone I was looking for.
Drone 9300: Were you?
Eli: We're wanting to do a talent show, and we're going to need plenty of tea and coffee, so (snapping his fingers in the drone's direction) snap to it.
Drone 9300: And you weren't looking for me for any other reason?
Eli: No. Were you looking for him, Nate?
Nate: (off-handedly) Um no. I don't think so.
Drone 9300: (Growls) What about the storage bay I was trapped in?
Nate: And now you're not! So how about those teas while we whip up a quick recap ? Something like this. 
(Nate morphs briefly into his wild Halloween guise.)
Nate: Previously... on the Cosmic Rage talent show...
(Drone growls in annoyance.)
Eli: No no, old man. More like this. 
(Eli throws back his cloak in a suave way and bats his eyes seductively as "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gay begins playing around him.)
Eli: Previously on the Cosmic Rage talent show...
Drone 9300: Both of you sound ridiculous. Try this.
(The drone glides forward and pulls a lever on the side of the talent show act dispenser while playing the voice clip of Lilac doing the previously on segment, and the third, second, and first place acts flick past in a quick recap of Talent Show 5.)

(After the recap)
Gust: Oh wow that was cool.
Nate: (Interrupting Gust) No one likes a show off, 9300.
Drone 9300: (Growls in anger again, and a dangerous-looking drill pops out of the top of his head before disappearing again.)
Gust: hang on, wasn't that Lilac's voice I heard? Where is she? I take it she just got her new host tour?
Nate: (Mumbles something about Laurel and clears his throat.)
Gust: Sorry? What did you say?
Nate: (Mumbles a little louder, this time something about Laurel and the lake house.)
Gust: Um... what?
Eli: (laughing) Laurel forced him to give up the lad's night lake house for the entire summer to make up for the disaster plane ride we just went on, eh!
Nate: I say old chap. That was rather below the belt.
Eli: Nonsense. It was in your face! Get it right.
Drone 9300: Was no one going to let me out of storage from that stupid plane?
Nate: (yawns)
Eli: Enough about the airplane storage, Drone 9300 old pal. Move on already. That's old news. We're all over it. Now come on, Augustus. Let's show you where the planets are built.
Gust: But what about the talent show?
Nate: Ahh Don't worry about it. Drone 9300 will take care of the rest. That's what we keep him around for. All the boring stuff we don't want to do. We just need to show up on time and look fantastic in front of the microphones.
(Eli, Gust, and Nate walk off leaving the drone to fume by himself.)
Drone 9300: Same drone waste, different day. Run it myself, he says? I'm going to run something, alright! Run them into the ground!
(With a creaking of metal, he begins to swell and morph again, growing to fantastic size and bristling with dangerous weapons.)
Drone 9300: We'll see how they like it when the grabber arm's on the other wheel! It's time I take control. It's time that I rule the entire game!
(But Drone 9300 is interrupted by the door bell of the admin area, and his programming takes over, forcing him to shrink and withdraw most of his weapons, leaving him looking more hench than usual.)
Drone 9300: What? Who forgot their stupid key to the admin area now?

SCENE 2

(In the lobby, the door bell is ringing, and someone is pounding on the door as the drone makes his unhurried way to answer it.)
Drone 9300: I'm coming! I'm coming! Keep your hostly powers on!
(The door is opened to reveal Laurel and Lilac.)
Lilac: (Bustles past) Hi drone! Bye drone! Suitcases heavy! Can't stop to chat!
(Laurel dumps her bags on the ground, sending Drone 9300 flying.)
Drone 9300: Ow ow ow ow ow.
Laurel: Ahh, 9300. Just the drone I was looking for. Take these bags up to my room, will you?
Drone 9300: No!
(One of his new angry attachments grabs the bag and launches it into the sky.)
Drone 9300: Take your bags yourself!
Laurel: What has possessed you? Retrieve my bags from the atmosphere at once!
Drone 9300: Retrieve them yourself?
Laurel: And how am I supposed to do that?
(Half bristling with weapons, the drone wheels/stomps towards her.)
Drone 9300: Like this.
(The drone lifts Laurel bodily and propels her with a blast of laser fire into the sky after her bags.)
Laurel: Wait... what? Nooooooooo!
Drone 9300: (chuckling to himself and gently closing the doors like a good drone) Being a villain feels pretty good. But she's just the beginning. Oh Eli? Oh Nate? You're next.
(The drone glides away humming the funeral march. Meanwhile, Brandon creeps out of hiding behind a massive potted plant beside the doors.)
Brandon: Oh dear. There goes a drone in great need of a hug. If he doesn't fling me into space first. You know what? I'll take the burden of arranging the talent show. We'll make this one just for him! It's time Drone 9300 finally gets some pampering.
(Brandon swishes his very long tail, and the announcement sound plays, his voice echoing across the game.)
Announcement: Hi, players! It looks like our favorite drone, Drone 9300, is finally at his breaking point, so we're going to need your guys's help to cheer him up! To that end, we're putting together a talent show just for him! We'll be handling the submissions instead of him, so all he needs to do is sit back and enjoy! Send in your best songs or favorite methods of showing your talent, and we'll put on a show for you all! See the related event! Cuddles!

SCENE 3

(The scene opens on stage in the admin area. Curtains are drone against the murmur of the crowd beyond.)
VoiceOver: Several months later...
Gust: (In a lowered voice) Are you sure it's okay for me to be the presenter?
Nate: (encouragingly) Of course it is, Augustus. That is if you want to do it.
Eli: Go on and knock 'em dead.
(There is a pause, and Augustus clears his throat.)
Gust: Music!
(A switch is thrown, and the theme begins to play of the massive PA system. The curtain dramatically swishes open, and the players begin cheering.)
Gust: Welcome one and all to the Cosmic Rage Talent Show! I am your host, Augustus Wintergale, so you better wrap up from the cold!
(The crowd chuckles.)
Gust: Please welcome my co-hosts, Oh Captain my Captain Eli Perez, and the chief boss man geezer. It's going to be a roller coaster of a ride tonight, so hang on tight!
Eli: First, Augustus, Nate, and I will present some acts before handing it off to some other hosts! Dante, Lilac, Laurel, and of course, Brandon!
Nate: And in the audience tonight, we have a special guest! Drone 9300 who, it says here, is a very important member of the Hosting team.
Nate: (As an aside) he's not really on the hosting team though, is he?
Eli: (Clearing his throat) Brandon put it in the script, old chap. Best just to say it.
Nate: Oh very well. hem hem... Where was I? Let's see...
Nate: (On the microphone again) So stay tuned, and let's get this show on the road! Take it away, Augustus.
Gust: Thank you very much, fellow hosties. The first act of the evening will be shattet eldenia, performed by ABabyAssault. She's done the instrumental herself, so let's have a listen!
(Act plays)

(As the act finishes, Gust is talking to Eli and Nate.)
Gust: Sorry guys. Brandon's just called me. I think he needs you guys to take over from here. You good?
Eli: But of course, Augustus! Nate and Eli are an unstoppable force! For example, Grabs the microphone)
Eli: that was a wonderful performance, ABabyAssault. Next up, we have a little acting skit performed by Albertoa35!
(Second act plays.)

Nate: (as the last act ends) Blimey. Announcing acts is thirsty work.
Eli: What? You've not even announced one yet what are you talking about?
Nate: Drone 9300!
Eli: hang on. isn't he in the audience?
Nate: Oh it'll be fine. Don't worry about it.
(The crowd gasps at this, but Nate plows on, grabbing the Microphone and calling again.)
Nate: Drone 9300! Fetch us some tea will you? We're blasted parched! And our next act is Monster, originally by Justin Bieber and Sean Mendez, this time though covered by our very own Fray! Enjoy while Drone 9300 fetches us all a delicious cup of British tea, what.
(Act plays.)

(As the act ends, Drone 9300 is coming on stage with a tea tray.)
Drone 9300: (In a sarcastic voice) Your tea... sirs. Why don't we just say it's Three Wooden Crosses by JamesLiveVocalsProductions. (A little chuckle.)
(As the tea service begins, the act starts.)

(As the act ends, Eli and Nate are about to drink deeply.)
Nate: Jolly good.
Eli and Nate: Bottoms up!
(They down their tea in one while the drone continues to chuckle beside them.)
Nate: Fantastic.
Eli: Alright, 9300. We got it from here. Be gone! Poof!
Nate: I say. Eli old chap...
Eli: Yes?
Nate: I feel rather peculiar.
Eli: Come to think of it, I do to.
Drone 9300: (gives a little chuckle)
Nate: What are you laughing at, Drone 9300? Hey, we didn't program you to laugh.
Eli: We said you can go...
Nate: (Shocked) Eli, old man! Your arms!
Eli: What about them? Ahh!
Nate: They're becoming grabbers! Like the blasted drone's.
Eli: Yours too, old chap! And look at your legs! Wheels! And there's ... a casing forming around you! What is happening?
Nate: (Sounding more drone like) Explain yourself, sir! Explain! Explain!
(Nate and Eli's bodies twist, shimmer, and shrink down until they become two newly minted drones, their cases shiny and undamaged.)
Drone Eli: (Sounding drone like) I can not explain!
Drone Nate: Not you, Drone Eli! Drone 9300.
Eli: Drone Eli? What are you talking about? That's not my name, Drone Nate. hang on a second. I am doing it, too! 
Nate and Eli: Let's get Dante!
(The entire time, the original drone has been cackling to himself off to the side as Eli and Nate wheel away.)
Drone 9300: (coming back to his senses in time to see that Drones Eli and Nate are no longer there.) Wait... Where'd they go?
(The drone makes his way off stage as the scene changes.)

SCENE 4

(Now in Dante's lab, Dante is pottering around his lab, looking over his todo list for the day.)
Dante: Let's see here. What's next on the check list? Clean all the test tubes. ... check.
(He moves to a complicated bit of machinery and peers at it.)
Dante: Verify all the pressure gages. ... they look good. check.
(Finally, he moves over to a host todo terminal.)
Dante: Three factory inspections to starbase. Not bloody likely. ... (Flashing a wicked grin) Check! What's next here?
(He moves off and looks down at his check list as Drone Eli and Drone Nate wheel in.)
Dante: Oh, I'm done! I can experiment! Yay!
Drone Eli: Ah, Dante! Just the host we were looking for.
Dante: Ahh, two disposable drones! Just what I needed to help me with my latest experiment!
Drone Nate: Wait no! We're Nate and Eli!
Drone Eli: Drone 9300 has gone crazy and poisoned us with some wacky drone tea!
Dante: Sure he did. Now what I need you two disposable drones to do is step inside this machine here.
Eli and Nate: (Interrupting) Dante! It's us!
Dante: Of course it is!
Drone Eli: We need you to turn us back into ourselves! Like our host selves.
Dante: (Falsely nice) Of course I'm going to help you guys. Don't worry.
Drone Nate: Oh excellent.
Dante: All you need to do is move inside my Proto-Adjustment and Neuron Development Apparatus, or PANDA, for short. I throw this switch, and the transformation shall begin.
(Drone Nate glides smoothly inside the machine which is now open.)
Drone Eli: You want us to get inside the panda?
Dante: I know. That name's a bit of a mouth full, but don't worry. It's not going to turn you two into pandas. That would be ridiculous!
(Drone Eli joins Drone Nate inside the machine.)
Drone Nate: you're right. That would be ridiculous. You're right.
Dante: (throwing the large lever which shuts the door) It's going to turn you into something far more useful. A helper monkey. Like Booboo here. And she's perfectly happy, aren't you, Charley? I mean Booboo? Who's a good booboo.
(Dante strokes Booboo's fir as he coos to her.)
Drone Eli: Wait! I thought you were going to turn us back into hosts?
Dante: Oh please. I've heard weirder excuses from drones before. Heck. I've heard weirder excuses from players before.
(He moves over to the other side of the large machine and begins throwing switches and turning dials.)
Dante: Do you guys honestly expect me to believe you are hosts? 
Nate and Eli: Yes!
Dante: Oh no. That excuse isn't holding any water with me. And if you don't stop yelling, I might as well turn on something nice to listen to. Like this! LittleNessie's talent show performance of "At Dawn!"
(The act plays as Eli and Nate yell for help.)

(The act ends, and drones Nate and Eli are still yelling for help.)
Dante: (Over Nate and Eli's cries for help) Come on! Being a helper monkey isn't that bad. I've never heard Booboo complain about it! But fine, maybe some more music will help ease the transition for you. How about NightSky's rendition of "All Is Found" from Frozen 2? Oh gosh I just love Disney. Ezma is my hero.
(The act plays.)

(As the act finishes, the machine is thudding and rattling and Eli and Nate are still yelling for help.)
Dante: Hmm. That's odd. You should have transformed by now.
Drone Eli: Well we haven't!
Dante: (beginning to shrink a little as fir sprouts on the backs of his hands) I can see that. Ooo oo oo.
Drone Nate: But seems you're the one transforming.
Dante: What? this can't be happening to me!
Drone Nate: Looks like your experiment backfired!
Dante: No! (Collapsing onto the floor and writhing) My brilliant mind! Being reduced to that of a helper monkey!
(Dante fully transforms and leaps high into the vaulted ceiling of his lab, swinging from the light fixtures in a panic as Eli and Nate are left stuck inside the PANDA.)
Drone Eli: How are we supposed to get out now, Drone Nate?
Drone Nate: I don't know, do I? Do I look like I've got opposable thumbs?
Drone Eli: Is this what our drones really go through? Surely this must be a fluke. you know... Dante just being Dante.
(Drone 9300 wheels in.)
Drone 9300: Ahh, here you all are. And I see you tried getting Dante to help you. My plan is working perfectly.
(Drone 9300 begins shutting down the machine and opening the doors.)
Drone Nate: What plan?
Drone 9300: Oh, nothing really. Just the plan of taking revenge on every host that has ever wronged me.
(As Drone 9300 finishes opening the door to the machine, he turns towards them menacingly.)
Drone Eli: Leg it!
(Drones Eli and Nate look at each other, then take off towards the lab door at high speed.)
Nate and Eli: Scarper! Scarper! Scarper!
Drone 9300: Oh you can't run forever! I'll find you!
(The scene ends with Drone 9300 moving at a nice comfortable and confident speed.)

SCENE 5

(The scene opens up on an empty stage. the crowd is just sort of hanging out, looking around in puzzlement as Lilac enters stage right.) 
Lilac: Wow, what is going on here? Looks like there's a talent show in progress, but no one to announce acts? That's totally not cool!
Lilac: (Picking up the mic) Sorry about the delay, folks. But I'm here now. I'm your host, Hostess Lilac Windblossom, and Next up, we have a cover of Christina Perry's Jar of Hearts by Quincy2022!
(The act plays.)

Lilac: And next up, we got Warbringers (Jaina) from World of Warcraft performed by Shelby1995!
(Act plays)

Lilac: (Begins announcing the next act) Shelby1995, a rousing performance of a tale of sorrow. Next we have Spaceman2025... Sh*t!
(This last is because she is interrupted when glass smashes, and laurel comes hurtling down out of the sky and crashes down in front of her, looking half frozen and furious.)
Lilac: Laurel! : Oh my gosh, girl! Where have you been these past few months?
Laurel: (Sounding very angry) I have been orbiting, the blasted admin planet with no way down!
Lilac: (Sounding confused) How'd that happen?
Laurel: That flaming Drone 9300! Right when we got back from our vacation last year at the lake house, I politely asked him to take my bags up to my room, and he blasted me into the sky! Boom! Nearly paralyzed from the blow!
Lilac: Oh wow. I just thought ... like ... you went on a second longer vacation.
Laurel: I wish it were something so pleasant, Lilac. When I find Nate, I'll Ring his ...
Lilac: (Interrupting Laurel) Nate? I thought you said it was Drone 9300 who launched you into the air?
Laurel: Oh it was. But whatever's gotten into him, I bet it's Nate's fault! It always is!
(Laurel storms off stage, leaving Lilac at a loose end.)
Lilac: Um, wow! Okay. Looks like it's time for intermission! So get your ... get you some drinks, or some Taquitos, or maybe some mushroom beetroot Wellington from the concession stand sponsored from my all-time favorite restaurant, panaxes Mexican, British, and whatever the rest of that name was. We'll be right back with you guys! Tootles!
(Thus saying, Lilac runs off stage as the theme music plays.)
Lilac: Laurel! Wait for me!

SCENE 6

(Laurel is on the warpath outside the talent show Admin Area venue.)
Laurel: (Kicks open a door, releasing a traceback gremlin) Nate!
Laurel: (Kicks down another door, and a bigger traceback gremlin flies in her face before running in the other direction towards the admin area) Are you in here!
Laurel: (Yanks open a cupboard as Lilac comes running up behind her, kicking said gremlin past Laurel's head) You can't hide forever!
Lilac: (Catching up with Laurel) Laurel, what are you doing?
Laurel: I'm looking for Nate!
Lilac: (Fanning herself) Woo it's hot in here. In a cupboard? He'd have to be the size of a trash drone to fit in there.
Laurel: At the end of Talent Show two, he was stuffed inside a cabinet. I wouldn't put it past him.
Lilac: Wow. That was crazy. I remember that.
Laurel: You were there?
Lilac: Of course not, silly. But I was for the results show. Good old Nate and Eli. And the drone. the drone was great.
Laurel: (Flinging open one more cupboard and grunting with disgust, causing an act to fall to the floor.) For goodness sake, What is this? Looks like an antique act of some kind. An 8 bit cover of Citizen Erased by Muse. Arranged by Spaceman2025.
(Act plays)

(When it finishes)
Lilac: Hey look! There's something written on the back.
Laurel: Oh, so there is. (sighing) And it's a note from Nate.
(As she begins reading, the scene cross fades into Nate sitting on the admin area balcony writing the letter.)
Nate: My dearest Laurel. How I have longed to see you once more, but where you have gone, even my hostly powers cannot reach. It is my hope that the loneliness of space which is mirrored only by the loneliness of my heart without you will eventually yield her icy grip and send you back to my side. I know that when you return, you will likely be furious with me. Though whatever happened to you, it is most definitely not my fault! Rest assured that I stand on the balcony every night and wait to watch you orbiting the Admin Planet yearning to hold you in my arms once more. And if you don't mind me saying, you look absolutely fetching set against the backdrop of stars.
(Far above, Laurel hurtles past just as Nate describes, screaming all the way.)
Nate: Now, must dash. Brandon's only putting on a talent show, and Eli, Augustus, and I will be presenting the first three acts. Fantastic! See you when I see you. X O, X O, X O. Nate.
(Nate is seen capping his ink well and getting up to head inside. Moments later, an odd abstracted view as if from the inside of a drone's head can be seen, and Nate is adding a post script to his letter in secret.)
Nate: P.S. I think Drone 9300  has gone crazy. He has turned Eli and me into drones and Dante into a Traceback monkey. And as for Billybob, well he sent him sailing off to bleeding Norway of all places!
(Pulling out, we see that Draq is editing Scene Six in his studio.)
Nate: And poor Draq's been flattened with a trash truck!
(Draq hits the pause key and looks quite annoyed.)
Draq: Smashed by a trash truck. Dude, I've told them not to include this part! Why am I being smashed by a trash truck again? I'm tired of ... Anyway, back to the unpaid job.
(He sighs and hits play, and the scene switches back to Nate.)
Nate: Brandon is the only coder left that could actually help us. If you could find him for us, that would be darling. I'm sure you will.
(The scene finally cross-fades back to Laurel reading the letter.)
Laurel: What? Absolutely ridiculous! Right, let's go talk to Brandon.
(As they walk away, Laurel is ranting again.)
Laurel: Does he expect me to believe that the head admin could not get me down from that orbiting trap? Who does he think I am?
Lilac: Totally.

SCENE 7

(Draq is in his recording studio with the heart beat of the game outside.)
Draq: Scene seven. Let's go.
(The text on his monitor appears ten feet tall.)
Draq: Why is this text too big? I can't see it. I'm blind, but I should be able to see it.
(Draq fiddles with the settings for a moment then gets up and moves over to a window in his recording studio.)
Draq: (Opening it and shouting through it) Someone bring me an unmagnifier! I can't see this text!
(A traceback gremlin runs past the window, slipping him a device. Slamming the window closed, he comes back to his computer.)
Draq: Back to the job. Play!
(Draq presses play on his editor, and nothing happens.)
Draq: Why is this stupid program not playing? Did someone mess with the settings again?
(he glances over some settings then tries again.)
Draq: Oh no. It's even worse. These tracks are blank. Does this also mean I'm going to have to announce tracks as well? Good thing that I got this unmagnifier.
(Lifting the unmagnifier, he points it at his screen and begins to read.)
Draq: The next act appears to be an original song called Misty. It's written by TheRandomWriter. (Does some stuff with his DAW.) There. 
(Act plays)

(As the act ends, Drone Eli and Drone Nate hurry into the room.)
Drone Eli: Draq!
Draq: Ahh just in time. Okay okay. Get me a coffee.
Drone Nate: Oh not this again.
Drone Eli: It's Nate and Eli. Dante has been turned himself into a helper monkey, Drone 9300 turned us into drones, and Billybob's in Norway so we can't get him! Maybe I should just prerecord this explanation, so I don't have to keep saying it over and over again.
Draq: Yeah. Sure. And I'm smashed by a trash truck, right? 
Drone Nate: Now quick! Run this eval before ... Wait what?
(A rumbling can be heard from outside as they talk, and it's growing louder and louder.)
Draq: Oh no.
Drone Eli: Oh rusts.
(A trash collecting truck smashes through the wall behind Draq and sends debris flying everywhere as it runs him down.)
Drone 9300: (Coming out of the trash truck) Going somewhere?
Nate and Eli: No.
Drone 9300: I'm not done with you two. Get moving!
(The drone marches Eli and Nate out of the room. The mountain of debris shifts, heaves, and cries out)
Debris pile: Up your nose!
(With a massive explosion, the trash truck is hurled in a massive parabola and crashes down in the distance, revealing a slightly flatter Draq.)
Draq: Great. Now where am I going to get drones to repair this studio?

SCENE 8

(In Brandon's apartment, Augustus and he are huddled over a desk with a bunch of plans.)
Brandon: And that's when we'll bring them on stage, got it?
Gust: So after the final act is announced.
Brandon: Exactly. Thanks so much, Augustus. I couldn't have done this without you.
Gust: Of course. My pleasure. Do you want me to get this song?
Brandon: Oh no. I got it. I can do it remotely from here, watch.
(He scoots his chair over to a mixing desk and flips a switch, activating the PA system in the admin area.)
Brandon: We hope you have enjoyed the talent show so far, ladies and gentlemen, but now it's time for our final acts of the evening before our special treat. Next up, Tunmi is back with a piece called Fire!
(The act plays.)

Brandon: Finally, put your hands together for WinterPrincess doing a cover of Fly me to your Heart by Selena Gomez!
(The act plays)

(As the act ends, the door opens, and Laurel storms in.)
Laurel: Brandon!
Brandon: Laurel!
Lilac: Lilac!
Augustus: Huh?
Lilac: I don't know. I thought we were shouting names, so I wanted to join in. Hi, by the way, Gust face.
Brandon: Where have you been hon?
Laurel: The less said about it, the better. But I'm back, and I found this.
(Laurel hands the letter to Brandon.)
Brandon: A letter? (Brief pause) This looks like it's from Nate. but the last part was written more recently.
Laurel: So the letter is true then? Nate's not making excuses?
Brandon: Well, we are having a talent show right now. That much is true. Nate and Eli should be doing the final act patter before the special treat we prepared.
Lilac: I'm not sure they are though.
Brandon: What do you mean?
Lilac: Nate and Eli? They weren't on stage when I went to the admin area before. I had to announce acts all by myself. Totally not cool.
Brandon: Well, I doubt Nate and Eli would leave mid talent show unless things were totally out of control. If this letter is true, then we need to get to the stage now!
(All the hosts take off running out of Brandon's room.)

SCENE 9
(Back in the main admin area, the crowd are laughing as Drone 9300 forces Nate and Eli to serve him.)
Drone 9300: More motor oil, Drone Eli.
Drone Eli: Yes sir.
Drone 9300: And keep polishing, Drone Nate.
Drone Nate: But I can already see my face in your casing. It's like a mirror.
Drone 9300: I said keep polishing!
(Drone 9300 blasts Drone Nate with an electroprod.)
Drone Eli: Here's your motor oil sir.
Drone 9300: (Deliberately spilling it all over himself) There, Drone Nate. Now I'm all oily. Wash my casing better!
Drone Nate: But you just dumped it all over yourself!
Drone 9300: (Slaps Drone Nate with a metal-plated scooper) Get to work!
(The polishing begins again, and the drone sighs happily.)
Drone 9300: A little higher. No, lower. Higher. Lower. Higher... Ahh right there. that's the stuff.
(At this point, Brandon and the rest of the hosting team enter.)
Brandon: Drone 9300, hon. What are you doing?
Drone 9300: Brandon. Welcome to the party. It turns out you were right. I am getting completely pampered. thank you.
Brandon: I didn't mean for it to turn out like this. I put this thing together for you!
Drone 9300: Well, apparently, Nate and Eli didn't get the memo, because right after the third act, there I was again, getting tea for them and other such degrading nonsense. And I was all comfortable , too.
Brandon: You did what?
Drone Eli: Well we were thirsty.
Brandon: Drone 9300 was supposed to be off duty!
Drone Nate: Oh he doesn't mind, do you 9300? That's what we programmed you for.
Laurel: For once in your life, Darling, pay attention.
Drone Nate: Rude.
Drone 9300: (Ramming into Drone Nate) Shut up! And keep polishing!
(Nate keeps polishing.)
Brandon: 9300, you have to understand, you are a valuable member of the team. just as important as any host.
Drone 9300: (grumbles)
Brandon: That's what this show was supposed to be about. And to prove it, we flew in previous talent show winners to put on a live performance just for you. Come out here, folks!
(Brandon claps his hands together, and the air ripples around the admon area. A series of performers troop out onto the stage, lead by Augustus.)
Gust: Now presenting, Shelby1995! EternalFrost! And of course, ABabyAssault! And on musical accompaniment, we get Tunmi! And EternalFrost!
Brandon: And they will be presenting a parody of The Whellerman called The Veritas which tells the tale of the first human ship ever to encounter the Caitsa race back in 2195!
(The act plays.)

(As the act ends, the crowd goes wild but the drone is not impressed.)
Drone 9300: Alright ok. Alright. Quiet!
(9300 bellows that last word into the microphone, and the crowd falls silent save for one guy coughing and a baby crying.)
Drone 9300: That was a very nice performance. But what does that have to do with me? How am I compensated for all the abuse from Eli and Nate here?
Eli and Nate: (Make indignant noises to completely drown the drone out.)
Brandon: Sit down!
Eli and Nate: (wilting back into themselves) Sorry Brandon.
Brandon: I know that Eli and Nate can be rude, insensitive, dumb...
Laurel: Inappropriate, and they always put on those ridiculous British accents! Well, more ridiculous than normal British accents.
Drone Nate: Oi! Steady on, geezer!
Laurel: See what I mean?
(Drone 9300 turns and blasts the two other drones high into the ceiling of the admin area. As they drift planetward, they can be heard to be crying out.)
Eli and Nate: Ow ow ow ow ow ow.
Drone Eli: Why would we program drones to feel pain?
Brandon: But they also can be caring and thoughtful. It was their idea to put on this performance for you in the first place. They just... forgot themselves sometimes.
Drone 9300: Some times?
Laurel: All the time!
Drone Nate: Hey!
Brandon: (Cutting in) And they've always been the ones to rebuild you and upgrade you, spending hours at a time tending to you. You might not like it, and believe me, I understand, but all the stuff they put you through has made you legendary among the players.
Drone 9300: Oh I guess that's true. 
Brandon: Heck, we even made a tree topper!
Drone 9300: But I still want to see them suffer.
Lilac: Totally understandable.
Brandon: Well, I'm more into cuddles than suffering. I'd really rather not cause them pain.
Gust: Wait! I got it! And this is a non-painful solution. Brandon, didn't you say you wanted the drone to get pampered?
Brandon: Yeah.
Gust: Well, there he is, getting pampered. We're going to have a talent show results show to see who wins, so have them stay drones until then and continue pampering 9300. 
Drone Eli: (Wheeling forward indignantly) Wait! Don't we get a say in this?
Brandon: No!
Drone 9300: You pathetic scrap piles!
Brandon: Hmm. that doesn't sound like a bad idea, honestly.
Lilac: Oh my god! More drones around the admin area! That'll be great!
Laurel: (Sounding resigned) Just what we need.
Drone 9300: What?
Laurel: Nothing!
Brandon: Than it's settled. Nate and Eli will remain as drones until the talent show results are in and announced . I'll take care of Dante. As cute as he is as a helper monkey, I'm thinking we'll need at least three coders of hosting power in order to keep our moo running.
Drone Eli: hang on. Hang on.
Drone Nate: You need us!
Laurel: No, Darling. The drone needs you. Now run along while we finish up this talent show.
Drone 9300: Get moving!
(Eli and Nate make sounds of protest as they're lead away by the drone, and the crowd begins cheering again.)
Brandon: (aside to his fellow hosts) Would anyone like to say something to ring us out?
Lilac: Hold on. I got you. (Picking up the mic) Everyone who participated in this talent show, you guys are totally tubular!
Laurel: thanks to our Veritas singers and musicians! Your performance was absolutely brilliant!
Gust: And most of all, thanks to all listeners of the Cosmic Rage Talent show! Without you, we would have no reason to put it on!
Brandon: Have a Cosmic Day, and keep raging on! Good night everyone, and cuddles!
(As the crowd's cheers swell, the talent show theme begins playing again.)
The end.

End Credits
You have been listening to, A Talent for Vengeance: a Cosmic Rage Talent Show.
Written by: Mario Garcia, Brandon Red Designation, and Nathan Smith.
Editing and production by: Draqoken and Mario Garcia
Host presenters:
Lilac Windblossom
Augustus Wintergale
Elijah Perez
Nathan Smith
Brandon Red Designation
Laurel Nightshade
Dante Steel
And Draqoken!
Thank you to the following players for participating in this talent show:
ABabyAssault
AlbertoA35
Fray
JamesLiveVocalsProductions
LittleNessie
NightSky
Quincie22
Shelby1995
Spaceman2025
TheRandomWriter
Tunmi
WinterPrincess
And Special thanks to our Veritas performers:
ABabyAssault, Shelby1995, and EternalFrost on vocals
And Tunmi and EternalFrost on instrumentation